Things I Wish I Would've Done

Last time I posted it was Ethan's birthday.  My dear sweet mother had surgery later that afternoon and then went to the ICU.  Sadly she passed away two months later on May 30th.  While I have been through every emotion I feel like there are things that I wish I would have done with her that I am now doing with my own kids.  I'm sure that this list will grow but here is what I've got so far.

Take pictures together, often.  The last picture that I can find of my mom and I together, Ethan was just a baby.  So I have been taking pictures with each of my kids at least once a week and as often as possible.  It is one of my regrets that I don't have a recent picture of the two of us.

Just sit and talk.  We did a lot of talking when she was in the hospital but before that, while we would talk on the phone every day, we didn't get to sit down together as often as I wish we had.

Go through old pictures together and talk about them. I have already had the "I wonder what/where that was, wish I could ask Mom" moment.

Record your parents voice.  Well this one I already had, but it means the world to me.  I have all of my moms voice mails in my email.  I can hear her anytime I want to.  Not the same, but its comforting nonetheless.


So there you have it.  I am still struggling with the day to day, although I usually don't let people see how I am affected.  My husband sure knows, because I hate going to bed and usually fall asleep on the couch.  I often think about her before I fall asleep and sometimes I just need to watch tv and crash or distract myself.  Sorry babe, thanks for understanding!  The kids have been wonderful and just give me hugs when I start to cry reading a book or if I just get sad.  What a whirlwind the last two months have been.  Now everything is calm, no more trips to the hospital and staying out late or feeling like I'm torn between my children/husband and my mom.  But what I wouldn't give for one more minute.