How I'm Raising my Children to be Confident and Productive

I have always had the philosophy that I wanted my children to be productive, self-sufficient and confident adults.  Figuring out how to nurture and foster that can be challenging.  We've been working hard at it and the results are beginning to really show.  Sure my kids whine, want every new toy that comes out, would love to play video games and watch T.V all day but I've made chores and responsibilities fun and rewarding.  Here's how I did it.

Chores are often a hard decision for parents because your kid just doesn't clean things as well as you can.  FlyLady has taught me that "even cleaning done incorrectly still blesses your home." This is where it applies to my kids.  Ellie cleans windows for me.  Lots of smudges are left, I am always tempted to follow behind her, but I don't.  If I follow behind her and "do it right" it teaches her that what she did wasn't good enough.  As a six year old that translates to "I'm not good enough," or "Mom doesn't think I do it right."  I don't want that.  That isn't to say that I don't teach her ways to make it easier or instruct her that she can't leave spray on the windows.  I just don't follow behind her "doing it the right way."  I also water down my cleaner or mix my own, usually Method because if it gets dumped or sprayed too much I'm not out an entire bottle, just 1/4 of watered down Method and it's non-toxic.

Windows are just one example.  I have them make their own beds, make lunches or simple meals, put their toys away, straighten their books, wipe down toys, clean the table, wipe down lower kitchen cabinets and walls, clean door knobs, wipe down their bathroom counter and floors, mop, clean the table and chairs and dust.  Not all at once of course!  When it comes to cleaning up a room together like their toy room or the living room we put fun music on and set the timer.  We stop when the timer goes off and rock out together or relax.  Sometimes we have to do another round or we do another room.  The key is consistency and stopping when the timer goes off.  I also give them specific things to do so they aren't overwhelmed by a room full of mess.  For example in the toy room I might give Ethan the Legos, Ellie would get Barbie and dress up and Regan the kitchen stuff.  Or in the room I would divide clothes, books and shoes.

The best thing I can do and what makes it fun and rewarding is the positive reinforcement I give them.  They want and crave my attention.  I make sure to tell them how well they are doing and how proud I am of them.  That's the secret to instilling confidence in them.  I also want them to feel proud of themselves.

And just so you don't think "she's full of it" here are some of the things they do to create those messes and things they do that drive me a little crazy.  Ellie and Regan are constantly filling water bottles up and dripping them through the house to play with outside.  Ethan if I don't watch him would stash and dash and call it clean.  Jack tries to get everything out that has been put away.  Ellie, while she is excellent at making beds, takes FOREVER to do them.  As in I can clean an entire room in the time it takes her to make a bed.  Jack "helps" Ellie do windows by cleaning with his hand even if he has a paper towel.



On a personal note I've been really busy with Tulsa's Fashion Night Out getting hair and makeup done and instructions on how to actually do my own.  Really I had no idea there was a specific way to blow dry your hair, I was completely clueless on brushes too!  I am dying to show everyone my hair... It's a good thing we got the snip or I would be working on kid #5, my husband thinks it's that hot!!  But I am patiently waiting for my reveal on Tuesday, August 14!  So more to come.